I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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