At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
