I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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