please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
