I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
