I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
