apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can you bring me the toilet please
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
