I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize