so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
As shirtless as possible
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
