One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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