Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
