I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
