I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
