I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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