The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's shark week go big or go home
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
