I think im going to throw up on grandma
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
