I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
