so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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