Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Your penis caused this!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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