I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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