My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You took a bar mat shot.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
where are my eyebrows?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
