thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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