The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
