Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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