it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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