dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
