i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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