Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
