Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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