I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
