I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
