help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
