But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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