Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
