Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
