If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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