hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
