why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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