By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When are your genitals available?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
