Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
