He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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