I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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