is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
