Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
