Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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