you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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