I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
