Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize