I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
