I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
