I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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