I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We are all done wearing pants today
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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