if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
