Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
