At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize