Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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