I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
