I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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