I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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