i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
