please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
no, he came in my armpit
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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