I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
