Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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