i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
