her vagine was all disorganized.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
