It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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