so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
