guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
