I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
