The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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