I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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