just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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