Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize