i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize