am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
