Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
People in love make me want to vomit
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
