I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
