is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
