My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
