"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
