I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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