toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm going to jail i love you
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
