Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
