I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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