Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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