she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
