Jerry, you need to find god
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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