Hey man sorry I got all grabby
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
